THE REAL MEANING BEHIND THE ABBREVIATIONS IN PERSONAL ADS

WOMEN:
  40-ish........................49
  Adventurer................ Has had more partners than you ever will
  Athletic......................Flat-chested
  Average looking.........Ugly
  Beautiful................... Pathological liar
  Contagious Smile.......Bring your penicillin
  Educated.................. College dropout
  Emotionally Secure.....Medicated
  Feminist.....................Fat; ball buster
  Free spirit..................Substance abuser
  Friendship first........   Trying to live down reputation as slut
  Fun...........................Annoying
  Gentle........................Comatose
  Good Listener...........  Borderline Autistic
  New-Age....................Doesn't shave body hair
  Old-fashioned...........  Lights out, missionary position only
  Open-minded.............Desperate
  Outgoing................... Loud
  Passionate...............  Loud
  Poetic........................Depressive Schizophrenic
  Professional............   Bitch
  Redhead................... Shops the Clairol section
  Rubenesque................Fat
  Romantic....................Looks better by candle light
  Voluptuous................ Very Fat
  Weight proportional to height..................Hugely Fat
  Wants Soulmate.......... One step away from stalking
  Widow..........................Nagged husband to death
  Young at heart............. Toothless old crone

   MEN:
  40-ish..........................52, looking for 25-yr.-old
  Athletic.........................Watches ESPN
  Average looking............Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
  Educated......................Will treat you like you're an idiot
  Free Spirit.................... Sleeps with your sister
  Friendship first............  As long as friendship involves nudity
  Fun...............................Good with a remote
  Good looking...............  Arrogant bastard
  Honest..........................Pathological Liar
  Huggable.....................  Overweight, more body hair than a bear
  Like to cuddle..............  Insecure, Overly Dependent
  Mature.......................... Until you get to know him
  Open-minded.............   Wants to sleep with your sister
  Physically fit................ Spends a lot of time in front of mirror admiring himself
  Poet............................. Has written on a bathroom stall
  Spiritual......................  Once went to church with his grandmother....
  Stable.........................  Occasional stalker, never arrested
  Thoughtful...................  Says "Please" when demanding a beer