Subject:  Contemplative things... 
 
 Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. 
 
 One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. 
 
 Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
 
 If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?
 
 The reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all 
 the bad girls live.
  
 I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the 
 Self Help section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the 
 purpose.
 
 Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims? 
 
 If a mute swears does his mother wash his hands with soap? 
 
 And whose cruel idea was it to put an S in the word Lisp? 
 
 If a man stands in the middle of the forest speaking and 
 there is no woman around to hear him....Is he still wrong? 
 
 Is there another word for synonym?
 
 Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"? 
 
 When you open a bag of cotton balls...are you supposed to 
 remove the one on top?
 
 Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all? 
 
 What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an 
  endangered plant?
 
  If a parsley farmer is sued do they garnish his wages?
 
 Would a wingless fly be called a walk?
 
 Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?  
    Are they worried  someone will clean them?
 
 Is a shelless turtle homeless or just naked?
 
 Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
 
 If a mime is arrested do they tell him he has the right to talk?
 
 Why do they put Braille on the drive through bank machines? 
 
 Do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?
 
 Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
 
 Is it true that cannibals won't eat clowns because they taste funny?
 
 What was the best thing before sliced bread? 
 
 How is it possible to have a civil war?
 
 How do I set my laser printer on stun? 
 
 Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? 
 
 If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? 
 
 If God dropped acid, would he see people?
 
 If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? 
 
 If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
  
 If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
 
 If you ate pasta and antipasti, would you still be hungry? 
 
 Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
 
 Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of  "asteroids"? 
      
 If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a  plane
 crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the stuff?