Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?
    He sold his soul to Santa

 Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car
 crash?
    He's all right now.

 Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing?
    He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.

 How do crazy people go through the forest?
    They take the psycho path.

 How do you get holy water?
    Boil the hell out of it.

 How does a spoiled rich girl change a light bulb?
    She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."

 What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
    "Dam".

 What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
    Polaroids.

 What do the letters D.N.A. stand for?
    National Dyslexics Association.

 What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
    A stick.

 What do you call Santa's helpers?
    Subordinate Clauses.

 What do you get from a pampered cow?
    Spoiled milk.

 What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
    Frostbite.

 What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor?
    A pachydermatologist

 What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree
 would kill you?
    A pool table.

 What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal
 thermometer?
    The taste.

 Where do you find a no legged dog?
    Right where you left him.

 Where do you get virgin wool from?
    Ugly sheep.

 Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
    They all have phones.

 Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
    They're trying to get away from the noise.