A squirrel is just a rat with good P.R.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine."

"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."

"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather.... Not screaming and
yelling like the passengers in his car...."

"Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!"

"He who laughs last thinks slowest"

"i souport publik edekasion

"We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated."

"All generalizations are false."

"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."

"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes."

Seen on an old, beat-up car: "This is not an abandoned vehicle."

"Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death"

"Cover me. I'm changing lanes."

"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let him sleep"

"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."

"It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you."

"If you don't like the news, go out and make some."

"I Brake For No Apparent Reason."

"When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS."

"No Radio - Already Stolen"

"Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges."

"I took an IQ test and the results were negative."

"Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?"

"Few women admit their age, Few men act it!

"I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!"

"Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!"

"IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you have got. "

"Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all it's students!"

"It's lonely at the top, but you eat better."

"According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist."

"Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have."

"A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory."

"How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?"

"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."

"Give me ambiguity or give me something else."

"We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?"

"Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot."

"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."

"Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy."

"Consciousness: that annoying time between naps."

"Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home."

"Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"

"I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic
particles."

"I is a college student."

"Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself."

"I'm out of bed and dressed, What more do you want?"

Help, I've fallen and I can't....Hey, nice carpet! 

Toad: what happens to an illegally parked frog.

Guillotine operator wanted. Chance to get ahead.   
   
Standards are wonderful - there are so many to choose from.

Dijon vu: the feeling you've tasted that mustard before.

Compost!  A rind is a terrible thing to waste!

So easy to use a child can do it.  Child sold separately. 

At Microsoft, quality is job 1.1.

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. 

What are Preparation A thru Preparation G?
	What is 1-Up? 2-Up . . . thru 6-Up?
Is there a Dr. Salt?

Tactics: breath freshener for dyslexics.

Smith & Wesson: the original "point and click" interface
                                                                
======
A man and a beautiful woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their
waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed
that the man was slowing sliding down his chair and under the table. The
woman was calm and unruffled.  After the waitress finished taking the order,
she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I
think your husband just slid under the table."  

The woman calmly looked up at her and replied, "No he didn't. He just walked
in the front door."
======